Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
