By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
