I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
