I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
