I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
