STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
