Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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