Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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