you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
