I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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