omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
