I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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