life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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