WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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