I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
