Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
