covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ketchup is God's man juice
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
