If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
