Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Welp...herpes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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