dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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