I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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