The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
