You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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