bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
