I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
