well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If I die, sorry about rent.
did i just pee glitter
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
