What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
