u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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