I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
