Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
