so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
