Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
