she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
