No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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