so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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