no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
