you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
