Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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