He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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