Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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