I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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