Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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