Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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