i permit you to call me
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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