Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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