I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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