I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
