I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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