If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
