I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
