Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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