The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
