hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
